When the real me comes out of the closet

Today I got some great news and some Bad news.

Remember I told you about the Nokia N900 Review competition at ringaz.nokia.co.za … Well guess who won the phone!!!
Yes I am now the lucky owner of a Nokia N900, it’s an awesome phone and since I am upgrading in, October I can get a cheaper contract and put that data-gobbling phone on a good Data bundle. I had to send back the phone on Tuesday so I will hopefully get back the phone on Monday.

Then the not so great news, ok it’s bad news. Mr.Big broke up with me.

I sort of knew it was coming. The last few weeks he has been really cold. He never wanted to kiss me or hold me any more. He didn’t even send me cyber kisses like he used to. He became impatient with me and cranky when I was around. I didn’t need to use my 3 years with psychology as a Major to figure it out. He emailed me today saying that although he does not want to do it over an email, he would not be strong enough to face me when breaking up. He said that he has work and personal issues he needs to work out and that he is not ready for a relationship at this stage. We are going to see if we can stay friends. 3monthes and 5days, my net relationship record.

So boys, I’m Single and looking, let me know if you want a serious relationship…

This also means that point 2 and 3 of my bucket list is still not crossed out.

Every now and again I think about death, it is actually on my mind quite a lot. Probably since I was 17 or 18 when one of my friends died in a car accident. Today another very young friend of mine died in a bike accident and it made me think again. This kid was 19, I never met him face to face, and we have only been chatting for about 3 or 4 weeks, but even through the net and mxit and facebook, we were able to connect.

Now back to the thinking. I have never feared death, I always though it was because I was religious and had faith in where I was going, now that I am “agnostic”, I still don’t fear dieing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal, I just think that it will not be a bad thing. I know that my family will be torn for a while and I know of a few friends that will miss me for a while, but after a while of going through the 5 grieving stages. Most of my friends and family will get over it. They will accept that I will not be coming back. I believe that I have made a mark on a few people (even though it might be very minuet). I have been so in love that it hurt, even though it was not reciprocal. Still, I do feel that I have not done a lot.

I am still young, but this does not mean I have long to live. There is a huge poster in my room that I got from a friend on my 22nd Bday. It is of James Dean and has a quote at the bottom that reads:

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”

This made me decide to start a bucket list. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, it is a list of things to do before you kick the bucket. (if you have not seen the movie, do yourself a favor and rent it)

This list will be updated throughout my (blog) life what have been done and what will still be done. Some will be specific and some less so. I will create a separate page that you can follow. I will also have all posts concerning the list tagged and you can use the TAG CLOUD to follow it.

So here goes:

1. Get mugged in New York
2. Have a boy friend for at least a year
3. Kiss a guy in the rain
4. Save someones life
5. Act in a play
6. Come out to my whole family
7. Get my dad to swear

That’s it for now… will add more soon